Some days are diamonds...

Multiple Sclerosis is a weird condition.  Some days it lets you roll out of bed, full of energy and with a real sense of purpose to tackle those things on the 'to do' list and then again there are those days when my body just says "not today".  The real cruncher for a 'control freak' like me is the total unpredictability of this cycle.  Sure, there are mornings when you just know its going to be a challenge.  A late night or some other form of over indulgence is almost always a sure fire recipe for a couple of slow recovery days.  I should know better by now, but as one MS specialist medico once said to me..."Would you rather have 'passed' on that important, exciting, enjoyable occasion or have had a 'blast' and then know that you will need to recover, but focussed on the great time you had rather than on the regret of having missed out?" On the other hand, sometimes, it's slow going just because it is.

Recently, a bout of gastro (a 'just because it is' occasion) laid me low and without food for several days.  One of life's inconveniences to be sure but also one that scares me for I am always worried about potential 'roll on' effects for MS as well as what I not able to get done as I recuperate. Again, another challenge for a control freak but also an opportunity to pause and allow time to recover without feeling especially guilty.

So, these days of illness or MS 'sluggishness' are definitely not diamonds but I take much from them.  I will tell you, this has taken some adapting over time.  In years gone by, I cursed these days and was angry about their occurrence but gradually, I have come to realise that a different mind set and approach is much more productive.  'Time out' is good, it allows time to relax and maybe even quietly enjoy while recovering   They also remind me of what I can ordinarily achieve on a 'normal' day and to be thankful for that.  Getting off the 'treadmill' has allowed me time for quiet reflection and for new ideas and plans to emerge.  When I do bounce back, I come back with renewed energy and focus as well as health. 

Some of theses days to, I do push myself to do do just one or two things (the control freak still lies just below the surface).   To do so reminds me of running long distance events in a 'past' life.  Out on the road, when pain or tiredness intruded and tried to persuade me to stop or slow, I would begin to run focussed only reaching the next power pole or mail box.  This way, I would not stop all together or slow but, pole by pole reach the finish.

Apart from being a control freak, I am also very competitive and these small 'wins' - one pole or one task at a time, not only help me reach my goal over time but provide me with short term wins that buoy my spirits and enable me to overcome these challenges.

Out of impediments and challenges do come possibilities, it's largely and often a matter of attitude  that will determine the outcome rather than the impediment itself.